“Where are all the good men?”, “All the good men are taken”, “there is no good man in this town/city”.

Do any of the above questions or statements sound familiar? It is likely that you or someone you know has asked this question or made these statements.

I am referring to the kind of good men who are faithful, loving, chivalrous and level headed. The kind of men that notice the little efforts you put into looking good and give unsolicited compliments. The kind of men that never fail to let you know that he loves you – and he shows it too. Yes, good men.

However, there seems to be a general consensus among single and searching ladies (SSL) that there is a shortage of ‘good men’ fit for marriage or ready for that kind of commitment (that is a whole different topic for another day!). Many ladies feel there is a global scarcity on the kind of men they wish to spend the rest of their lives with and raise families with. The men that seem to be approaching these SSL are considered a joke or  not their type.

While I understand this, having gone through a period where I thought all the eligible men had migrated to the North pole, however, I see things differently now. So allow me to introduce you to an alternative thought process on where all the good men are. If you are single and searching, I would like you to consider the following:

  • What do you need good MEN for? How many do you need?
  • Are you a good woman?
  • Have you contributed to this ‘good men’ scarcity by locking some of them up in the ‘Friend zone’?

Okay so let me break it down.

How many do you need? First of all you, I presume you really only need one man – i.e. The one – right? So why are you looking for MEN? Why do you generalise and join the bandwagon of people saying there are no good men when you only need one? Your desire should not be to go through a hundred men before you find your own man? You are an answer to ONE man’s prayers; you are ONE man’s ‘good thing’ which causes him to obtain favour from the Lord, so best believe his eyes are peeled and he is looking out for you.

So begin to speak to YOUR man, begin to pray about YOUR MAN and not all the potential GOOD men in the universe. You need to understand that ‘life and death and in the power of your tongue and those who love it shall eat of its rewards’ (Proverbs 18:21). So don’t get caught up with analysising and dissecting the universal scarcity of good men. God assures us that NONE will lack their mate (Isaiah 34:16). I love the absoluteness of the word NONE in that verse.

You need to get to the point where even though there were only ten men left on the planet, you are absolutely convinced that your one is a good man – even if all the other nine are bad men. The nine are not your problem – focus on your one. Ask God to cause your path to align with your one not with the path of ‘Good men’ – I mean thats a lot of paths, don’t you think?.

Are you a good woman? The bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked. This tells me that GOOD MEN will be looking to get yoked with GOOD WOMEN. So, are you a good woman? Whatever your definition of ‘good’ you are looking for in a man, are you the feminine version of that? Are you faithful, loyal, kind, gracious, respectful, generous, supportive, understanding – just to name a few. Can you honestly say you are the kind of woman a good man would want to be with. Can a good man expect reciprocation of all the goodness he is to you from you? If you can’t honestly say yes, then you have work to do to up your ‘GOOD’ game so you can start attracting your good man.

The friend zone. Finally, there are a lot of GOOOOOOOOOD men trapped in the pit of friend zone. You know those guys who are – too nice, too polite, too gentle, who do not play games or mess about – yeah those one who we ‘feel’ make better friends than lovers.

I don’t know about you you, but I think there is something wrong if the guys who are nice, treat you well and are ready to go the extra mile for you, get dumped in the friend zone.  My sister once asked ‘what kind of man do you want?’ after I put a ‘nice guy’ in the friend zone? Are you looking for a man that disrespects you, is rude to you, hits you or messes about? I guess not.

 Side note – you need a friend in your lover, the two should not be mutually exclusive.

I am not asking you to go rummaging through your ‘friend zone’ for your good man but I am advising you to be careful from now on who you put in there – too many good men are chilling in the friend zone. Like me, for some of you, your good man is in your friend zone and you are going to have to allow him come out of there and take his rightful place.

To answer the original question – where are all the good men? – They are everywhere and closer than you think. God is too much of a Genuius to let an important ‘ingredient’ for Godly marriage go extinct. Recall in the bible, when Elijah thought he was the last prophet standing and God reminded him he had reserved 7000 prophets just like himself who had not turned to idols.  1Kings 19: 18 Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”

In the same way God kept those 7000 prophets, so he has kept a good man just for you. YOUR MAN is a good man. So change your confessions, up your GOOD game and be careful who you put in the friend zone.

Stay blessed….x

TGK Counsellor

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