‘He is such an amazing guy, I would love my son to be like him’ – This was the exact thought that came to my mind a few months after I started dating my (now) husband.

It was a fateful evening, my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had just finished one of our lengthy phone calls. There I was, feeling all in love and the thought hit me – This man is amazing and he will be a great role model for my son.

Sometimes as ladies in our quest for love, our litmus test for a potential spouse can be so superficial. I used to be majorly guilty of this. Remember my previous post ‘The list’?- read it here.

Many of us are fixated on physical attributes – how he looks, how tall he is and what he wears. While some others are hung up solely on the present – how the guys make them feel at this given time. Hardly is the future ever considered – and by future I am talking about 5 years+ down the line. The only future some of us see is one year from the present when we are standing at the altar saying ‘I do’. Yes, that is the future – the immediate future, but what about the mid-term and  long term future.

In the choice of a life partner one has to consider the future. Marriage as intended by God is a life-long commitment. God intends for you to be in it till death do you part and by the special grace of God that is a very long time away (Psalm 91:16  With Long life would I satisfy him …),  so you have to ensure you marry right.

Marriage as intended by God is a life long commitment.

Let us think of it from a corporate point of view, if a company was going to merge with another company, said company would carry out its due diligence which would not only focus on the company’s present performance, it would also forecast the company’s future performance to determine if it is a worthwhile merger. Nobody wants to be stuck with a liability. You need to consider the same when it comes to choosing a spouse. It is not enough to focus on only the present.

Nobody wants to be stuck with a liability.

You need to be able to project into the future and the vision you have for your life as an individual and see if this person would be an asset in your life, career, business, ministry, family – whatever aspect of your life you consider – you want an ASSET.  The truth is your decision today will impact generations to come after you – your kids and their kids and their kids’ kids etc.). You want leave an invaluable legacy that gives them a fighting chance in life.  Your decision today will set cycles in motion for your future and for future generations to come. And I am sure you want those impacts and cycles to be positive.

Your decision today will impact generations to come after you.

Note: I am not asking you to disregard the physical or the present, that would be unwise. But I am asking you to look beyond these into the future to make a wholesome decision.

One of the best advice I ever got on choosing a life partner was ‘Do not marry your ‘right now’, marry someone that fits into your future‘. This is so true, because change is inevitable and we  all change. So you want to make sure you are not making a decision on a phase of your life or a potential spouse’s life that only has a two-year validity period. Look at your life for instance, would you say your taste in men five years ago and your taste now have remained the same? Definitely not for me! Because right now you may be into guys who wear baggy jeans for example, then come 5 years down the line when your taste matures, you are not going to be too excited about a baggy-jeans-wearing husband (Not a great example but you get the point).

In closing, I implore to look beyond the physical and the present – how he makes you feel now, and also consider the future – your preferred future and see if this person would be an asset. Remember Forever is a very long time!

Stay blessed…x

Jojo Lolami

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